Bella's Jump
by GabrielsDoubt
Summary: Songfic NIN – The great below . This is what is going on in Bella's head at the cliff in La Push. I have slightly altered the lyrics for convenience song originally sung by Trent R., presumably about a woman . T for language


A/N: SO this is my first songfic, that I can think of. Inspired by me sitting in lab, hearing this on my iPod. For those of you who don't know, NIN is Nine Inch Nails – they were more popular 10-15 years ago, so none of you newbies will recognize the song. It's a good one though – definitely worth a listen if you have the time.

Summary: Songfic (NIN – The great below). This is what is going on in Bella's head at the cliff in La Push. I have slightly altered the lyrics for convenience (song originally sung by Trent R., presumably about a woman). The lyrics actually matter for this fic – you'll understand as you read. I promise it isn't too long. T for language.

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Jacob was supposed to join me today. We were going to do this together, but now that I'm here, I am kind of happy I did this alone.

_Staring at the sea  
Will he come?_

I really wouldn't want to explain to Jacob why my cheeks are wet, or why I am jumping into the water with my MP3 player still on me, or why …. well, I guess why I am doing this at all.

It's better that he's not here.

_Is there hope for me  
After all is said and done_

God the sea is really pretty. I can't even see the other side today – some days you can, if it's really clear. It's so funny – I was always afraid of heights.

I... I want to remember his voice. All of this bullshit, just to hear a mythical creature's melodic excuse for a voice ring inside my mind. The waves crashing beneath me on the rocks make a poor substitute.

_Anything at any price  
All of this for you_

Wow, that is a big drop. Fuck what the hell am I doing? Breathe Bella, breathe. Hmmm (smiles) I can remember when I was told that by someone else for an entirely different reason. (looks down and frowns) Yep, that's a big drop.

_All the spoils of a wasted life  
All of this for you_

The rocks are kind of rough against my feet – I left my shoes in my truck. I'll be fine, I'm sure, and if I'm not... well, that won't be so bad either. The wind is so cool against my arms and face – maybe I can pretend for a moment that he is here. Everything here reminds me of _him_ – the breeze, the waves, the peace... if I had had the chance, I would have brought him here.

_All the world has closed her eyes  
Tired faith all worn and thin_

Alright Bella, enough, you're a big girl, and it's just a little step. (closes eyes) I can do this one thing for myself.

_  
For all we could have done  
And all that could have been_

This is so surreal. It is like running through the woods with _him_, the wind is flying so fast by my face. The wind is whistling in my ears – heh, it almost sounds like my lullaby.

_Ocean pulls me close  
And whispers in my ear_

Ouch, I've hit the water – hard**. **The salty water envelops me in its oppressive embrace. I feel touched; I feel happy.

Ok Bella, need to breathe. I try to kick to the surface.

_The destiny I've chose  
All becoming clear_

Fuck, I can't die here. I can't die here. I can't die here.

I have to see him one more time – I, I'm trying so hard.

_The currents have their say  
The time is drawing near_

My legs hurt and my lungs are burning. I can't seem to win. The ocean won't let me go. I'm so tired. I'm getting weak.

I wonder what Charlie will think...

_Washes me away  
Makes me disappear_

I open my eyes one last time and watch the swirling currents around me. I can't help it anymore – I reflexively breathe. I cough into the water. It hurts....It hurts.

_And I descend from grace  
In arms of undertow_

I can't feel my legs anymore. My arms either. I can't really feel anything. I can see light though – am I making it to the surface? Where am I? I don't feel the cool ocean watter, or hear the breeze.

Where am I?

_I will take my place  
In the great below_

The light is blinding me know. I can't seem to retain my consciousness. I feel like I'm drifting off to sleep. But I can see _his _face so clearly – I try to reach out to him.

I love you. I loved you so much Edward. I just wish you could have felt the same way about me.

_I can still feel you  
Even so far away_

Somewhere in Alaska, Alice collapses in sobs, screaming. 'No NO Bella don't do it. Oh God no. NOOO'.

~finis~


End file.
